Monday, December 31, 2012

A new order

Well, well, well.


It’s been a little while since I actually sat down and wrote a column, perhaps a few months.  Allow me to explain.


Thirteen years ago when “Ask Bob” started, me and the ol’ lady didn’t have no kids.  I literally didn’t have anything else to do.


Once was created, my job was the weekly contribution of the “Ask Bob” column.


Since then, the ol’ lady and me done made ourselves two lovely daughters, and although we both have less casual time, that’s not the reason my columns have decreased.


First, I lost my computer room when baby gurl #2 was borned, I moved our 10 pound computer and 40 pound monitor to the lower tv room.  But that still isn’t the reason columns decreased.  I still jotted down ideas while watching the news.  Although busy, I still wrote columns on a regular basis.


As the children grew, the TV room became a TV room/playspace…me and my computer was moved to the lower basement (where the actual furnace is).  There I sit in a poorly lit room with a concrete floor, plumbing a few inches above my head, with the drone of either the heater or air conditioner always keeping me company.  Oh did I mention, I also share the room with our kitty’s litter box. 


Our kitty is actually a big fat 20 lb cat and has the smelliest poops I have ever smelled.  Once I came home and the whole house smelled like poo.  I searched the entire house certain I would find a nice heaping pile of steaming kitty poo.  Instead I found nothing!  Just one big poop in the kitty litter box…the smell traveled 3 floors!  I had to change the kitty litter and open windows to get the smell out.


So now to work on the web site, I have to find a moment that I can excuse myself from the family all together and go the basement.  There I huddle in a corner with the computer.  I wear peasant gloves with no fingers in an attempt to stay warm during winter months.  I also wear a ski mask.  It serves two purposes, keeps my head warm and it serves as filter over my nose to help keep the smell of rotten cat intestines.  I also burn a candle down there, a little heat and it helps with the smell.


There were so many reasons not to write a column, I just didn’t do it very often.  But today I am writing my column while half watching the news in a heated room.  I am so excited, look à(!).  I have a state of the art laptop so I can work on anytime anywhere, without holding my breath! 


For many years I have resisted new technology beyond a basic pc with 96 megabites of RAM drive, but new laptops are cool!


Anyways, enough about me. 


I will now explain how the entire nation can avoid the fiscal cliff in one simple sweep.  The Senate needs to take the Republican “Plan B”, pass it…word for word, no changes.  Then send it to Congress, it will get passed with Democrat and Republican votes (minus the Tea Party-Nordquist nit-wits).


I don’t even know what’s in “Plan B”.  Not exactly what Obama wanted, but good enough. 


Now consider the political ramifications of Democrats coming together to save a Republican plan that Republican themselves couldn’t get passed.  It will change public consensus from a broken Washington to a broken Republican party.  And save the country financially!


Two years from now the solution for a broken Washington will be to elect folks who can get things done, a Democratic Congress and get rid of those Nordquist -saluting -morons (and by that I mean the “party of no accomplishment” also known as the “party of No” also known as the “The Tea party”.


That in itself will be worth the loss income revenue…besides with a Democratic Congress, the balanced budget will be within the horizon…


And now you know!

COMING NEXT:  Here comes the sun!

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